A Baby Again
I have been in OA for three and a half years and have lost 120 pounds (54 kg). Sounds great, doesn’t it?
When I first came in I was desperate and willing, and the program worked for me. Then I became a success. I knew what it was all about, and I could tell anyone how to do it.
But something was wrong. After two years, I started getting sloppy with my food, doing the very things I saw others doing. How could I break my abstinence? Well, I kidded myself that since I wasn’t eating sugar or flour, I still had my abstinence. My ego would not let me face the truth, so I certainly couldn’t ask for help— successes don’t ask for help. I was on a binge. It did not include sugar or flour, but it was worse than anything I could remember before OA. Of course, I didn’t go to meetings, and I used every excuse I could think of to stay away.
But the program had gotten to me. I finally showed up at my regular meeting, and guess what? It was everything I knew it would be. Everyone was glad to see me. No questions, just love. I hadn’t fooled anyone.
I am a baby again, and it feels good. Why did I have to put myself through such hell? I am a compulsive overeater, and I needed to be reminded of that. I can’t do it alone. Only my Higher Power can help me, through the people in this program.
To be a real success in this program is to remember that on a daily basis. Thank God I know it today.
— Lifeline, October 1982