Blessing in Disguise
I am an anorexic. For my own good, I need to begin this way. It took a long time to admit this because I was ashamed. There are times now, however, when I’m actually grateful for my addiction because wonderful things are happening inside me.
My first year in OA, I fought the program and wanted to give up. But I knew I didn’t want the insanity of former days. Since, I’ve done well working the program, and the Tools have become a part of me.
I recently had a very strong reminder of how cunning, baffling, and powerful this disease is. Someone commented that I had lost weight, and the anger and defensiveness I felt opened my eyes. I didn’t know if I had lost weight, but I had been feeling the high of my active addiction.The comment, however, proved to be a great blessing. After overcoming my defensive- ness, I recognized how I’d been eating just a little less at every meal and how I ignored my food plan when I was angry or upset. I wasn’t dealing with my negative thoughts. I was over-involved in my work and let it justify my iso- lation. And I was careless about my Tenth Step inventory.
Today, this downward spiral has stopped. With the help of my Higher Power and my won- derfully supportive sponsor and with the strength I draw from the Tools of the program, I am back on the road to recovery.
— Lifeline, March 1992