Doing My Own Hard Work
I’ve taken care of other people all my life. Now, after six years in OA, I’m starting to take care of myself. I’m dealing with sexual abuse and other family issues as they arise. I’m also starting to socialize outside the program.
This is very scary, very hard work. I’ve been told this is what recovery is about—hard work. Part of me wants someone else to do it for me. After all I’ve done for others, I tell myself I deserve it!
Well, for me, that’s stinking thinking. I am an adult, and I have a responsibility to do what’s necessary to take care of myself; then I can give others what I’ve been given. If I’m in the food or not taking care of my needs, I can’t be there to help you.
Yes, I have to accept that I may not want to take care of myself or may not feel like it, but the program tells me to act as if and do it anyway. Guess what? That works!
Thanks to HP and OA, I don’t have to compulsively overeat or abuse myself to get through the tough spots. I may not always have someone to call or comfort me in my pain, but I always have my HP and the OA Tools.
I’m learning not to beat myself up over my mistakes, but to learn from them and move on. My recovery has given me so many blessings that I could never repay, but I can give what I’ve been given to those whom my HP puts in my path.
If you’re having a hard time with abstinence or are feeling alone, know that you aren’t alone. Your HP is there, and I am here and have felt the same way. We are all children of a loving HP and are given just what we need for today, even when we don’t realize it.
— Lifeline, February 1994