Mornings Are Miracles
I am taking a mental health day just to sit back and rest, to feel my life and God’s presence in it. I have been in OA eleven years, yet I am writing Lifeline for the first time. Why? I was waiting until I worked a perfect program.
Today I have a sponsor who tells me to stop holding my breath. My program is good, not perfect but fine. Life is good, though things aren’t perfect, and people don’t always do what I wish they would. But that’s nothing new.
What is new is me, by the grace of God. I woke up on this warm, sunny New England morning to the calls of the people I sponsor. Then I got down on my knees to thank God for his loving care. I ate an abstinent breakfast and sat down to share my gratitude. The day is fine, whatever happens, because the calm is within me.
It hasn’t always been this way. I used to wake up to self-hatred, anger, and terrible fear. I got on my knees for food—to clean my mess or search for my fix. The only thing I knew was my addiction; I had no other way to face life. Every night, I threw out whatever was left, but every morning I ravaged the pantry to quiet the panic.
These days, my mornings are miracles. I am free of panic, self-loathing, and groundless fears. I no longer eat compulsively. My program starts with “don’t overeat, no matter what” and ends with “use me as your instrument.”
My days are not always wonderful, but I’m free in a way I never imagined possible. God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. Life is good. It’s better than ever.
— Lifeline, October 1980